861. We’ll Never Have Paris

Title: We’ll Never Have Paris
Director: Simon Helberg, Jocelyn Towne
Year: 2014
Run time: 1hr 32m

“In a story based on true events, Quinn (Simon Helberg) has been in a devoted relationship with Devon (Melanie Lynskey) for several years, and is ready to propose marriage until a gorgeous blonde co-worker reveals her love for him. Quinn immediately has second thoughts about matrimony and ends up terminating his relationship with his long-time better half. After a brief relationship with the blonde, Quinn quickly realises he’s made the mistake of a lifetime, so he sets off to Paris, where his one and only true love has moved, to win her back.”

Live blog

2:03 – Yay, Alfred Molina!
3:49 – “It’s a condition. Treatable. Marriage, I mean”
6:56 – Those glasses are epic.
11:45 – Don’t see what’s wrong with one person, if they’re the right person.
13:10 – “My hand span does seem smaller.” Weird thing to happen.
18:30 – You can corn your own beef?
21:03 – Don’t break up with someone when they’re in the bath.
22:32 – “Obviously your brain is trying to tell you something.”
32:07 – Stealing a whole plant seems a bit OTT though.
38:36 – I wanna go on holiday with this guy, he seems like fun!
41:20 – Facebook is evil. Drunk Facebooking is the worst.
50:28 – Must be so good to have family or links to another country, just to make that introduction a bit easier.
57:24 – I really feel like the first time to try a cigarette is not when you’re trying to impress.
1:03:31 – It IS selfish to have gone out there. Surprises suck.
1:04:31 – House of the Rising Sun sounds so much better in French.
1:09:04 – Fast forward to me catching up on Duolingo again.
1:14:57 – Stalker!
1:17:50 – Tumult is an excellent word.
1:22:26 – “There’s a ring in my trunk,” is a rubbish proposal.
1:26:59 – IT GOT WORSE.


Oof, wanted to like this because, you know, Big Bang Theory fans, but this did not go down well. There were a few fun moments and I loved Alfred Molina, but for the most part, this was a painful watch. Quinn is just not a very nice or interesting character, which doesn’t help when the entire movie is based around his bad decisions and then his attempts to rectify them.

I spent most of the film thinking she could do a lot better than him, and then waiting for something to happen – but it felt like the same scene was repeating over and over again. Either the story wasn’t told very well, or it really wasn’t worth telling.

Rating: 1/5