799. Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Title: Kingsman: The Golden Circle
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Year: 2017
Run time: 2hrs 21m

“Kingsman: The Secret Service introduced the world to Kingsman — an independent, international intelligence agency operating at the highest level of discretion, whose ultimate goal is to keep the world safe. In KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE, our heroes face a new challenge. When their headquarters are destroyed and the world is held hostage, their journey leads them to the discovery of an allied spy organization in the United States called Statesman, dating back to the day they were both founded. In a new adventure that puts their agents’ strength and wits to the limit, these two elite secret organizations band together to defeat a ruthless common enemy, in order to save the world, something that’s becoming a bit of a habit for Eggsy…”

Live blog

0:57 – I mean, bagpipes though. Unnecessary.
5:23 – How the hell do you make a car go sideways like that?
8:58 – All this is underneath Hyde Park? I need to go diving.
10:53 – He left the manhole cover open.
16:47 – “Practice? Eating?”
27:32 – Loving bunker bowling room.
27:49 – “Arm-ageddon.”
31:02 – He picked up an old relic and said ‘ah ha’. Sound familiar?
35:19 – Channing!
39:41 – That is some bad Halle hair.
43:50 – “I still can’t believe you got away with kidnapping Elton John.”
50:41 – The rooms filling with water is always so scary.
55:18 – Hashtag blue rash.
57:37 – Elton John detected.
59:57 – Bless Eggsy! James Bond would never have phoned anyone!
1:12:10 – Glad he wasn’t just suddenly able to be awesome.
1:15:36 – Elton John should be in more films.
1:30:57 – “Are you seeing butterflies again?”
1:31:25 – What is up with the Wonder Woman lasso?
1:43:41 – There’s a pool table on a plane. Talk about useless.
1:45:40 – …then again.
1:59:54 – This is all too much but… yay for Elton!
2:07:13 – Hoedown Word Up.

Conclusions

Oof, what a supreme disappointment, especially when the first one was so good. This, was just a mess. The story was overly long, many of the plot points unrealistic (whereas the first film at least felt like it was based in reality). It was too graphic, there was a lack of taste and decency throughout, and it felt like it veered too far into parody of Bond, rather than an homage too.

Some of the fight scenes were good – I liked the first attack on Poppy Land – but the blender was over-used, and I got a bit bored of those robodogs.

The only saving grace was Elton. Hilarious tantrums, great outfits, generally the highlight of the two hours.

Rating: 1/5.

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