787. Baywatch

Title: Baywatch
Director: Seth Gordon
Year: 2017
Run time: 1hr 56m

“Sun’s out, fun’s out in this NEW EXTENDED CUT of Baywatch! Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron team up and go way beyond the call of duty in this wild and sexy action-packed comedy. When a dangerous crime wave hits the beach, legendary Lt. Mitch Buchannon (Johnson) leads his elite squad of badass lifeguards on a mission to prove you don’t have to wear a badge to save the bay. Joined by a trio of hot-shot recruits including former Olympian Matt Brody (Efron), they’ll ditch the surf and go deep undercover to take down a ruthless businesswoman (Priyanka Chopra, TV’s “Quantico”), whose devious plans threaten the future of the bay. So, suit up and dive into action with the hottest movie of the year!”

Live blog

2:50 – Aww, I miss Baywatch! So much diving.
4:43 – “He ain’t superman, he’s a damn county lifeguard.”
5:30 – Why would they put Anderson and Hasselhoff in the titles? Should be a surprise!
12:11 – “Where you from One Direction?”
17:21 – Cheeky Simone Biles pic there, off his actual Instagram.
19:43 – Oscar!
24:12 – “Kid’s really got no quit in him.”
26:42 – Curious why they have a world’s strongest man competition in lifeguard training.
37:30 – “I’m not a Bond villain… yet.”
49:29 – Too soon for a Steve Irwin reference.
49:57 – “…an entertaining but really far-fetched tv show.”
1:04:25 – He throws really well.
1:08:11 – “Do not post that. The internet is forever.” So true.
1:15:52 – Can you break a phone in half?
1:27:08 – Great tunes, although they don’t fit the film at all.
1:28:45 – Hasselhoff comes with the theme tune!
1:40:05 – Loving Summer’s dress.
1:48:45 – “The big red button.”
1:54:16 – Super slo motion.

Conclusions

On the surface, this film is very much like the CHiPs remake – an old school television show, revamped and turned into a film. It’s superficial, good looking, with a lot of base humour and, you know, body jokes. HOWEVER. Baywatch is actually a good bad film, whereas the more I think about CHiPs, the more I dislike it.

The story and the feel of Baywatch echoed the original series very well, and I love, love, loved the meta moments – Mitch talking to Mitch, or Brody desperately trying to get them to just go to the police, and the moment when he said the crimes sounded like an entertaining but unbelievable show.

The characters could have done with a bit of work, I think. CJ didn’t have many redeeming features, except perhaps from liking the guy even though he wasn’t super-stud Zefron like. Summer started out well, but her kick-ass-ness rapidly faded. Stephanie was great, but she didn’t really get to do very much, it was all about the two big boys butting heads.

There were odd moments and funny moments and gross moments and bits that I’d rather forget, but equally, I’d just as likely want to watch it again. So, I can’t possibly recommend this to anyone because it’s not good. But it WAS fun.

 

Rating: 3/5.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: