749. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

Background info

Title: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
Director: Bill Condon
Year: 2011
Run time: 1hr 57m

“In the highly anticipated fourth installment of The Twilight Saga, a marriage, honeymoon and the birth of a child bring unforeseen and shocking developments for Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) and those they love, including new complications with werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner).”

Live blog

1:51 – “What joy.”
6:09 – I’m thinking the Edward role was cast as: “Good looking, okay being pale, frowns a lot.”
10:46 – Every time Anna appears, we’re like, yay, forgot! Her role gets smaller each film.
12:41 – I LOVE THE DAD.
18:46 – And they all lived happily ever after. The end.
20:07 – That face she is making, that’s how I look at weddings.
22:14 – Why is everyone making a speech? That’s dire.
28:05 – God, Bella is so submissive. Why isn’t she asking WHY WILL I DIE?
33:19 – I failed maps but how do you “pass through” Rio?
35:47 – “I could use a few human minutes.”
40:43 – This one has a well-emo soundtrack.
45:45 – Bella! You don’t say “I win,” you say “Check mate.” Dude.
50:55 – Oh god, vampire baby, right?
51:45 – How is he not all glittery all the Time being on a tropical island?
1:03:21 – Vampire babies are evil.
1:04:47 – So if J-J didn’t know this could happen, what was he spouting about at the wedding?
1:06:39 – “What are you thinking Bella?” I been asking that routinely every five minutes.
1:11:37 – Wolf gone wild.
1:19:06 – Vampires drive Volvos and search Yahoo. Just sayin’.
1:23:23 – Hot water bottle wolf man.
1:25:41 – I can’t remember what I was going to write now, it’s so disgusting.
1:27:18 – Seeing the future must be hard. Also reading people’s thoughts though. Twitter’s bad enough.
1:33:56 – “Until Bella’s been separated from the problem.” I mean, seriously.
1:35:54 – Jake and Edward have about two words to say to each other, but they are far more believable as a couple.
1:46:09 – Sorry, did he just… imprint… on a baby?
1:55:26 – Yes! The Volturi are grammar nazis!

Conclusions

 

Ahhhh, what a let down after the previous film. This one was just… a nightmare from start to finish. None of it made any sense, I had so many questions during and after the film, so. many. questions. The characters made decisions that were bonkers, the story itself wrapped itself up in nonsense knots, and really, it was just dull.

If we hadn’t been this close to the end of the series, and if the last film hadn’t had such promise, I don’t think we’d have got to the end of this one. Thankfully only one more to go.

Rating: 1/5.

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