747. The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Background info

Title: The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Director: Chris Weitz
Year: 2009
Run time: 2hrs 10m

“In the second chapter of Stephenie Meyer’s best-selling Twilight series, the romance between mortal Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) grows more intense as ancient secrets threaten to destroy them. When Edward leaves in an effort to keep Bella safe, she tests fate in increasingly reckless ways in order to glimpse her love once more. But when she’s saved from the brink by her friend, Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), Bella will uncover mysteries of the supernatural world that will put her in more peril than ever before.”

Live blog

0:35 – Yellow moon?
1:29 – Oh, are they supposed to be like Romeo and Juliet? Yea, that didn’t come across in the last one.
3:45 – “We co-ordinated. Well, she co-ordinated me.”
7:39 – Jacob is kinda creepy.
14:28 – “Don’t hate the truck.” Who could? It’s amazing.
18:08 – I would be like, shut up about changing you, it’s not going to happen, we should probably see other people.
24:40 – There’s a massive difference between not good for and not good enough for Bella.
29:25 – Good grief, buck up Bella. Nobody is that important.
31:03 – Yay for the awesome dad. “It’s just not normal behaviour.”
37:53 – “You’re like… buff.” Some cracking dialogue in this movie.
43:35 – Oh god, she’s going to cliff dive. To see the vision of a boy. Oh Bella.
50:44 – Is calling someone a marshmallow an actual insult? I like it.
53:04 – Lot of grand promises from Jacob, feel like he is going to let her down at some point.
1:01:11 – “Lie… lie better.”
1:03:26 – Wolf side eye.
1:08:05 – Dude never wears any clothes. But I wouldn’t if I had an eight pack like that.
1:11:25 – Oh right, so vampires that have no vampiric tendencies and werewolves that can change whenevs. What a crock.
1:13:34 – “You’re good with weird.” Love that.
1:16:19 – Just wondering, why do werewolves respect international borders?
1:18:24 – Oh my god, I am mostly worried about the dads.
1:20:06 – Tom Daley would have words about that dive, I tell ya.
1:27:54 – “I have never met anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy.” Oh god, that should be the tagline for the movie.
1:38:56 – I get the Romeo & Juliet allegory here but pffft.
1:43:53 – Edward has basically spent two films looking as ill as is possible to be.
1:45:09 – What’s wrong with Bella??
1:53:47 – She has a vampire in the room but a wolf portrait on the walls. I spell trouble.
2:00:41 – Five years is forever!

Conclusions

Hmm, bit of a dip in form for the second Twilight installment. It was all just a bit over-emotional and dramatic, bad acting and poor dialogue, with not a lot to endear you to the characters.

Particularly Bella. I have no sympathy for this girl at all, she’s an absolute nitwit. She’s scared of getting old so decided living a hideous dead life would be better? Sitting around for literally months on end because her boyfriend left town. Jumping off cliffs to get a glimpse of him? I can’t even.

I like that Jacob/Jake got more of a role this time, but I was equally annoyed that werewolves don’t behave how you would imagine either. They don’t actually seem bothered by the moon at all, and can change at will. So weird.

 

Rating: 2/5.

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