713. X-Men: Apocalypse

713-xmen-apocalypseBackground info

Title: X-Men: Apocalypse
Director: Bryan Singer
Year: 2016
Run time: 2hrs 24m

“Once worshipped as a god, Apocalypse, the first and most powerful mutant, awakens after thousands of years and is disillusioned with the world as he finds it. He recruits a team of powerful mutants, to cleanse mankind and create a new world order. As the fate of the Earth hangs in the balance, a team of young X-Men fight to stop their greatest nemesis and save mankind.”

Live blog

1:50 – Ooh, nice pyramid.
4:20 – These Egyptians are far more high tech than we knew.
9:33 – Yay for the recap. Previously on the X-Men.
14:03 – She’s a hero to me.
17:22 – “One more, and last one.” That’s two, surely.
18:47 – Do we know Alex Summers or am I just having a memory failure?
23:41 – This Pharoah dude is going to be well confused by life in the 1980s.
28:12 – I do love James McAvoy in this role.
35:32 – Oh my… justifiable rage coming right up. Poor Magneto.
37:25 – Is that I Ran in Egyptian? Way cool.
40:22 – “It’s wonderful to see you again, meet you again, for the first time.”
50:12 – Loving Nightcrawler too.
58:35 – Really should have seen that coming, who the fourth would be. Doh.
1:03:46 – Yeah! Even mutants watch Knight Rider.
1:05:02 – Star Wars talk!
1:06:39 – “Just because there’s not war doesn’t mean there’s peace.”
1:19:37 – Super speedy guy is amazing. I could watch that sequence all day.
1:27:49 – Those shoulder pads tho.
1:33:04 – YESSSSS!!
1:37:10 – Wait, Wolverine had met them before? And why is he old? So confused.
1:55:10 – Bald head Professor X has arrived.
2:10:26 – God we need to watch all these films again. Memory loss is crazy.

Conclusions

It’s turned into a bit of a meme at this point, that no one really has any clue where in the timeline these films are set. And there’s good reason for the jokes surrounding it, because it has been a confusing ride. What I did like about this one, though, is that it seemed to be setting up all the pointers towards getting us back to the start of the entire story – Scott and Jean liking each other, the destruction in Cerebro, and Professor X losing his hair. It had the same feeling as Star Wars III, where everything wound its way to a conclusion that was really the start of all things.

That being said, it really wasn’t a good film. What’s weird is these last few X-Men films are bad but also brilliant. They look good, they flow well, the characters are interesting, the acting good and there are some funny moments with snappy dialogue. But none of it really makes sense, and you sort of have to just sit back and watch the pretty pictures. Odd, but enjoyable all the same.

Rating: 2/5

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