682. Commando

682-commandoBackground info

Title: Commando
Director: Mark L. Lester
Year: 1985
Run time: 1hr 30m

“In this early action classic that features his unique blend of thrills and offbeat humor, Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Col. John Matrix, ultimate soldier and one-man army. Matrix, the former leader of a special commando strike force that always got the toughest jobs done, is forced back into action when his young daughter (Alyssa Milano) is kidnapped. To find her, Matrix has to fight his way through an array of punks, killers, one of his former commandos, and a fully equipped private army. With the help of a feisty stewardess (Rae Dawn Chong) and an old friend, Matrix has only a few hours to overcome his greatest challenge: finding his daughter before she’s killed.”

Live blog

2:04 – Woah, those are some scary garbage people.
3:17 – He broke his new car moments after stealing it.
4:54 – Dude’s just carrying a tree. As you do.
8:28 – No, child, I really do need to know what is in my sandwich.
11:42 – “We were going to make a normal life here.” Hiding from life on the mountains. Uh huh.
14:39 – Oh no, Arnie don’t need no engine, he can push the car where he needs to go.
20:07 – He said I’ll be back! Is that allowed??
25:55 – Arnie does parkour.
28:32 – There’s some seriously dodgy clothes in this film.
34:00 – His watch is ticking! I would die if I had a watch that ticked.
39:26 – “This is not my DAY.” Ha, bless her.
41:48 – Is that the sound of crickets or his watch ticking?
44:54 – There was a lot of neon in the eighties, wasn’t there?
50:51 – Tank!
57:40 – Hehehe, rocket launcher the wrong way round. That would be so me.
1:00:41 – “This plane is older than I am!” She’s my favourite.
1:05:17 – We’re having some massive continuity issues here, is it daylight, sunset, sunrise, who knows?
1:07:44 – Not sure I totally understand why he had to row in speedos, but we’ll go with it I suppose!
1:13:12 – What the heck is a teletype?
1:22:27 – “You’re getting old, John.” Er, no. Even today Arnie looks exactly the same.

Conclusions

This one was unknown to me, but in the search for something mindless, fun and action-packed after a long work week, we opted for Arnold Schwarzenegger doing what he does best: muscles and unintentional comedy.

I was expecting it to be pretty bad, and I can’t argue that it was some brilliant filmmaking, but I did actually really enjoy it. Arnie can’t act but that’s not why we watch him, and he used his ridiculous strength well in this one. The child wasn’t irritating, which helps, and I actually really liked the pilot woman who helped him out.

It was stacked full of plot holes and stuff like that, but with a glass of wine, and as long as you know not to take it too seriously, it was a good 90 minutes of fun!

Rating: 3/5.

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