584. Jupiter Ascending

584-jupiter-ascendingBackground info

Title: Jupiter Ascending
Director: Andy & Lana Wachowski
Year: 2015
Run time: 2hrs 7m

“From the streets of Chicago to far flung galaxies whirling through space, Jupiter Ascending is a science fiction epic adventure that follows the downtrodden Jupiter Jones, who’s destined for greatness. When a genetically engineered ex-military hunter Caine tracks her down, she starts to glimpse the fate waiting for her all along – her genetic signature marking her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos.”

Live blog

4;27 – “The problem with astrology? Total bs.”
6:24 – Warring alien brothers? This must be Thor.
11:02 – They are rather fabulous hover boots. Better than a hoverboard!
15:31 – “It’s all just urges and obligations.”
18:53 – Nothing works like that, you go in and cash comes out.
23:58 – A universe so big we don’t even have a word for the number of planets in it.
27:25 – Oof, the damage. Well, it’s about time Chicago took some heat.
36:09 – “Space cops. Sure.”
39:56 – Ohhhh, my bees don’t lie.
44:51 – Sean Bean is so deliciously Northern.
51:41 – Space Siri!
56:29 – Really don’t need an alien to tell me time is the most precious commodity.

[…]

Conclusions

I really wasn’t looking forward to watching this one. I’d seen it panned by various critics and fans across the internet, and whilst I usually try to keep an open mind, it was hard after seeing the trailer and some of the reactions to the movie. However, it’s Mila and Channing, a great cast, and the Wachowskis, so maybe it was worth a shot?

It wasn’t. It felt like there was a fab and interesting underlying idea but it was buried under so much pomp and circumstance that I could barely find it. Too many characters introduced at once, too much going on, and mumbled dialogue that didn’t help the situation.

I wasn’t happy with Mila’s character, hoping that at some point she would come into her own. Of course it’s tough to be thrust into this world that you know nothing about but she barely showed a glimpse of anything worth rooting for. There’s only so many times that Channing coming to the rescue can be interesting.

Sadly, a big miss, but hey, we lasted longer than twenty minutes.

Rating: Unrated.

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