487. Godzilla

Background info

487-godzillaTitle: Godzilla
Director: Gareth Edwards
Year: 2014
Run time: 2hrs 3m

“In this gritty, realistic sci-fi action epic, Godzilla returns to its roots as one of the world’s most recognised monsters. Directed by Gareth Edwards and featuring an all-star international cast, this spectacular adventure pits Godzilla against malevolent creatures that, bolstered by humanity’s scientific arrogance, threaten our very existence.”

Live blog

1:25 – Very clever credits. Bonus submarines too.
6:23 – “This one looks broken.” Most terrifying words ever.
8:57 – “You are a maniac. Just not about this.”
12:03 – Can you run away from radiation like that?
17:07 – I spend much of my film time coveting people’s amazing glassware.
18:50 – She clearly doesn’t know how these things work. “You’re only going to be gone a few days.”
23:53 – Boo-eees. Buoys.
38:37 – Godzilla has wings now?
44:49 – “We call him… dun, dun, dun… Godzilla.”
51:40 – Submarine for a snack.
57:17 – Oh, that’s Godzilla.
1:01:19 – “I guess we’re monster hunters now.”
1:03:57 – Is it like Roswell? Alien Godzillas?
1:07:12 – Why do the military people NEVER listen to the science people?
1:09:10 – That’s a nuclear warhead, on a train. Has no one seen Unstoppable?
1:14:47 – Is someone going to have to give up their life? That bomb is susceptible to the EMP.
1:24:38 – There are moments of this film, like this one, that are so Jurassic Park it hurts.
1:33:30 – Turns out Godzilla was the good guy all along.
1:37:34 – Can’t really see why they’ve parachuted in with guns, they’re not going to be any use.
1:40:19 – Someone should have brought a flamethrower.
1:50:37 – That’s twice Godzilla has saved his life. He must be the chosen one.

Conclusions

So bad. So, so bad. I’m not sure I was hugely excited going into the film, Godzilla is something that has mostly passed me by up until this point. But I love a blockbuster as much as the next person, so hey, bring on the big monster.

What a terrible film it turned out to be. It actually made Transformers seem a lot better. Whereas Transformers had all the right ingredients but the wrong method, Godzilla didn’t have too much stuff going on and mostly made sense… it was just badly done.

The only thing going for it was some incredible CGI, really strong stuff and in places beautiful. Otherwise, it was a massive rip-off of Jurassic Park, Aliens, Jaws and more, with characters that weren’t particularly interesting, and so many tropes in there it was almost painful. The only original bit I think I saw was when she turned and ran from one monster only to find another waiting.

Awful. To be avoided.

Rating: 1/5.

5 comments

  1. i… really enjoyed the two minute sequence jumping from the plane.

    i don’t understand why godzooky wasn’t totally p***ed off from being nuked back to the stone age in the 60s?

    Like

  2. Up until about three quarters of the way through, I was enjoying it in a “this isn’t great but entertaining anyway” point of view. It sort of got more annoying as it went on. The opening credits may have been the best bit 🙂

    Like

  3. I was surprised that Binoche was only in it for five minutes, and then Cranston was killed off too.

    I don’t know if I’m getting old but the soldier and the doctor just seemed really, really young to lead a film like this.

    Like

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