Title: Spider-Man 3
Director: Sam Raimi
Run time: 2hrs 19m
The third film in the Spiderman series, and we were feeling a bit better about it. The first was not great, the second was better, if a little long. It wasn’t until after we’d already started this one that we realised it was well over two hours. Otherwise we might have been a bit more wary!
0:36 – I wonder what crazy long titles we’ll have this time.
1:54 – That’s one film recapped. Are we going to do the other one as well?
3:10 – I think we’re through it and out the other side!
4:40 – What does “layaway available” mean? I clearly don’t pawn enough stuff.
8:33 – Is this a sequel that is the same as the first movie then? Guy goes into green smoke, goes insane?
14:02 – Spiderman needs to get himself a better motorbike.
17:27 – Ooh, he has new web missiles?
18:45 – Who pays for all this damage, going in one office window and out the other side?
20:38 – Don’t you just hate it when your weird little spherical weapons come back and hit you instead?
29:34 – That was some amazing CGI, how did they do that?
35:44 – “I’ll be taking shots of you for the Bugle. Smile, are you smiling?”
43:13 – Now she’s jealous that he’s more famous than she is. Doesn’t sing though, does he?
48:18 – Spiderman high fives!
51:48 – That guy leaves quite a lot of sand behind.
1:02:13 – Is the fact that door sticks going to be important later, I wonder.
1:07:20 – Totally confused by this black gunk. It’s just changed his suit colour?
1:11:11 – “This is a free country, not a rent-free country.”
1:25:13 – It really was the root of everything that she didn’t tell him straight away that she had been fired.
1:27:33 – Woah, emo hair alert. All he needs is some eyeliner and the look will be complete.
1:33:37 – Okay, that’s it. Being mean to Ursula is crossing the line. Bad Spidey.
1:36:48 – The trouble is, Maguire just can’t pull off the cool side. It’s cringeworthy in the extreme.
1:45:09 – Again… none of that makes sense. He could take the suit off fine before, and why didn’t he notice someone screaming as the black stuff took over Topher?
1:48:16 – Why did he turn into a rogue Spiderman? I thought it enhanced your bad side, and he deffo wasn’t a spider before.
1:56:49 – God knows what would happen if Sand-dude found his way to the beach.
1:58:52 – What child has ever said “wicked cool”?
2:07:40 – Always two sides to every story, I guess.
2:11:34 – I feel sorry for the butler man. He has no one left to look after now.
2:13:13 – No one seems to have noticed that she stopped singing mid song. Maybe that’s a jazz thing.
I really didn’t think this was very good. It started out so promising, Spiderman looked like he had a happy life that was about to be compromised, and there was an incredible villain in the shape of an awesome-CGI sand-monster thing. But then there was also the black goo, there was also Harry flipping out, losing his memory, getting it back, going bad, going good. There was Mary-Jane and all her baggage, there was the guy taking the photos. It was all too much.
Too many threads, and not enough common sense to string them together. I had questions galore. Where did the black stuff come from? Who does a weird scientific experiment and is all “it’s just a bird, who cares” about it? What was the sand-man actually trying to achieve? Why was the photographer’s bad self just like a spider too?
It was mildly entertaining, but by about halfway through I was more frustrated than anything.